How to Talk to your Kids about Sex

Growing up, I never had a sex talk until the night before my wedding. My sister sat me down (thank the Lord) and told me a few things she thought I should know. Being inexperienced in the area of sex meant I did not have a clue. I am grateful for my sister giving me the lowdown. 

Bean and I decided early on that our kids were going to know about sex and their bodies, whether they liked it or not. Generally, they cringe every time we bring the subject up. I tell them one day they will be happy we were so open with them. The man-cubs keep assuring me that will never happen. So, let’s begin. 

“How to Talk to your Kids about Sex”

1. Start talking. Now. Jump in. 

  • One morning, a certain man-cub who was seven years old at the time, came in with an erection. It was such a surprise to this boy. Bean handled it like a champ and said it was perfectly normal, happens all the time for man-cubs. From that moment on, we talked about sex and our bodies very normally because it is NORMAL. We are all sexual beings! Just be age appropriate. Also, make sure you talk about their private parts by their actual name. Penis, vagina, breasts, etc. Don’t be shy. This could possibly help protect them from sexual abuse. Take any opportunity to talk about sex. Create a safe place for them to ask questions. No question should be out of bounds or shameful! Be prepared because it could get awkward…



2. Make friends with the awkward. 

  • It might be awkward! However, don’t let it stop you. Do you think I loved talking to my man-cubs about masturbation? Be honest. Tell them it can be a bit awkward. The more you broach the subject, the more normal it will become. I have a unique philosophy on masturbation and needed to communicate it to my boys because there are different messages being preached at church and out in the world.  

3. Be comfortable with your own sexuality. 
  • If you are not comfortable with your own sexuality, your kids will pick up on that right away! If there is shame or a bad connotation to sex, it will be communicated, whether you think so or not. Seek counsel, healing, therapy. Please don’t pass it on to the next generation. 

4. Don’t wait!
  • When should you start? When your child begins to discover their body. There are lots of books out there that can help you. We used The Boy’s Body Book and Almost 12 as well as Every Young Man’s Battle. 

5. Put your teenage kids in charge of their own sexuality. 
  • I did not come up with this one on my own. A friend discipled me in this aspect. What do I mean? Trust your kids. After talking with them and giving them the lowdown on all aspects of sex, trust them to take charge of their sexuality. I don’t have tons of rules on my man-cubs. They come up with their own rules. Yes, indeed they do. I’ve raised them believing that sex is natural, sex is fun, sex is best when it’s one on one. I am here to offer advice and help, but they are in charge of their own sexuality. It has been communicated from early on that we believe sex should be saved for marriage and to have multiple sexual partners can damage their bodies and their souls. It has also been communicated that sexual desire is normal, particularly for teens! It’s what you do with the desire that is important. I communicate often that I trust them. Bean and I have a healthy sexual relationship. This is embarrassingly clear to my boys. I ask them how they are doing, particularly with the temptation of pornography. Yes, I will be writing a post on How to Talk to Your Kids about Pornography. 



Why is it important to talk about sexuality? The world is screaming quite loud about this subject. The world’s view of sexuality can be screwed up (in my honest opinion) and we need to empower our kids to make healthy choices. Also, the Church historically has not had a good track record in discussing sexuality. Can we change that? I think so! 

 Just so you know, I am no sexpert. But I do love the gift that God gave to us. I thank Him often for the ability to orgasm. 

How did sex get communicated to you? Did you have a sex talk? Did your friends clue you in? Do tell! 


52 Weeks in My City-Van Nuys Boulevard

For my birthday, Bean and I went adventuring with our cameras in our neighboring community. Van Nuys Boulevard has the best murals; creative and interesting. 

I must admit I felt conspicuous being there with cameras. I can be bold out on the streets but felt it wasn’t appropriate this time, for some reason. I know we live right next door, but we looked like outsiders. 

I can’t wait til we go back. 

Juxtaposition
Michoacan
Nailed
Rancheros
Senora Lisa
‘Stache


Progress Report or the "I Can" Plan

Recently, I posted a blog about a dressing room disaster I had. During a prayer time (whining is more like it), I felt the Lord challenge me about putting actions to my prayers. Convicted, I began to figure out what my plan of action was going to be.

One thing about me is that I am a brat. I don’t say “no” to myself nor do I like to restrict myself.  Many friends have mentioned giving up sugar or gluten, but I ignore them entirely. Yes, I am a brat. As I was thinking about my plan, I began to think about what I “can” do. I had a bit of an epiphany.

I can eat less! I can hike! I can stretch! I can cut out sugar! See what I did there? I am calling it the “I Can” plan. I realized that I have to figure out what works for me. Every day, I think about what I can do that will help me, even if it’s just one thing.

Making healthy choices

I have a few mantras I say to myself several times a day when I need a truth jolt!



I am not powerless! 


Tomorrow’s freedom is today’s surrender. 


I am drinking warm water with honey and lemon every morning to kick-start my metabolism



These mantras have kept me on track. When I feel tempted, I have promised myself that I will run to the Lord, not to food. The other night, I felt massive hormonal cravings coming on and I shouted in my living room, “I am feeling like I want to eat through the pantry right now!” Just saying it out loud helped me not to eat through the pantry.

It’s only been two weeks, but I do feel much better about myself. However, yesterday, I felt myself slide into a pit because I am not seeing the results that I’d like to see. The discouragement descended like a cloud. I began to berate myself. All my mantras and promises seemed to slip away. Yet, I felt the Lord nudge me to take a hike. I didn’t want to, but I knew it would help my heart. He met me in a real way as I was out in nature and beauty.

Getting a natural anti-depressant! 


I am sharing the plan with my readers for two reasons. One, to keep me accountable. Also, it might just be a help to someone! Let me know if any of these tips have helped! 

52 Weeks in My City

Spent some time in Los Feliz with a girlfriend, having lunch. It had been awhile since I traipsed around this area. It brought joy to my soul. I’m always delighted by the people in my city. 
Play

Cafe
The Observant Man
Letters Home

52 Weeks in My City-Arts District (again)

It is safe to say that I love the Arts District. I find myself there quite often yet I am never sad about it.

The heArt ❤
 District


I stumbled upon a mobile recording studio parked near my favorite corner. The musicians were very cool and hipster. 


It makes me very happy to see murals up on the walls again. In fact, I witnessed one being painted right before my very eyes. 

Insta-Art

Every time I am in the Art District, I feel rejuvenated. 




all photos shot on my iPhone 6. 

52 Weeks in My City-Portland

I traveled to Washington State to witness a wonderful wedding. I tromped around Portland for a day. Portland became my city that day. Whenever I am in a city, any city, I am happy! 

People smile when the camera is pointed at them. This fact delighted, as well as surprised me. Smiling for the camera does not happen in LA! 

When in Portland, one must stop by Stumptown and/or drink beer. We did both. 

 What a wonderful city! 

Dressing Room Disaster

Most of my readers (the female ones) already know the heartache just by reading the title. It’s something we females face often. 

The day started out well. Slow morning, sweet time with coffee and Jesus. The minute I left the house, stress descended. With it, dumb, stupid, idiotic tears! I should have seen the signs. 

DANGER! DON’T GO DRESS SHOPPING! CAUTION! DANGER! WARNING! FLIP A 180!

Alas, I wasn’t quite self-aware. I felt grumpy, prickly, edgy and anything else sharp-edged but sadly, it didn’t enter my mind that to go dress shopping in the hormonal state I was in would be disaster. 

The minute I went into the dressing room, I knew. I just knew it was not going to be good for me to try on dresses. I have been really trying to take care of my soul lately. Unfortunately, I haven’t done a good job with my physical body. In fact, one could say that I have been “eating my feelings”.  Food is my “go-to” when I am                     (insert any emotion). 

The kicker is that I have been praying a lot about it, in fact, for a helluva long time. I want to be free and healthy and thin and be able to control my eating. As I stood in my skivvies in front of the mirror, I felt the wave wash over me. Y’all know what I am talking about…

Shame. Embarrassment. Anger. Disappointment. Disgust. Denial. 

But then, I stopped myself. I immediately asked the Lord to invade this very raw moment. I slowed down. I began to listen. I can’t say I heard Him speak but I did feel His presence. That was enough.

If I don’t begin to love myself right where I am, bubbly bits and all, I will not love myself when I weigh less. Duh. Quite the epiphany. The other epiphany hit me the next morning. I began to pray earnestly about my weight and eating issue once again. The Lord sweetly showed me that I can pray all I want for this issue, but if I don’t do anything about this issue, then I will not see any results. Or rather, if I don’t put action to my prayers, then I will continue to be large and in charge. Cue all the idioms. 

The funny thing is how sensitive I am to the whole sacred/secular dualism. Well, I was living it large (no pun intended). I have been taking care of my soul, but not my body. I need to take care of the whole of me; mind, body, soul, spirit. 

To further encourage me, Jesus reminded me of a song I’ve been singing recently. 

“Tomorrow’s freedom is today’s surrender…”

Oh, one day at a time…sounds familiar. I can do that. 

Is there something that you have been struggling with? Join me in doing something about it? I’d love company on this journey. Message me! 


The song I quoted is called Dawn to Dusk by All Sons and Daughters