In five days, I will be graduating Aidan. GRADUATING MY FIRSTBORN! At his graduation, his dad and I will hand him his diploma and say a little something to him (with tears pouring forth from my eyeballs.) Last week, Aidan and I were scouring old scrapbooks for photos for his slideshow. We came across many gems. All the while, emotions churned inside of me.
|Aidan, 6 days old.
Flashbacks and memories surface, bringing joy, sorrow and wonder. One memory that surfaces is every mama telling me how quickly times flies as I am holding my newborn man-cub. As a new mama, I simply could not fathom. But it is true, painfully so. They do indeed grow up so very fast.
The predominant emotion I am feeling this week is joy. Joy and gratitude well up inside me as I think back to all the ups and downs Aidan and I have had. The stand-offs, the fights, the tears were all very real and seemed to last an eternity. The fun, the laughter, the incessant teasing…well, that does last a lifetime.
I confess that one of the reasons I decided to homeschool is because I wanted to forge a close relationship with my man-cub. There were many days when I wondered if this desire would actually become a reality. Aidan and I have worked very hard to have a close relationship. It’s been a difficult journey. However, all the hard work, tears, fights and prayers have been worth it.
Another feeling I have is pride. Of course, I take some of the credit for who Aidan has become. The Bean and I have been a major influence on him, for better or worse. The Bean is an amazing husband and father. Yet, I don’t take all the credit. Aidan is an amazing young man because he is an amazing young man. I am proud of him because I have seen him make good choices for his life, without our help. I am proud of him because when the going gets rough, Aidan grabs his guitar and begins to worship the One who gave him life. I am proud of him because he is his own person, separate from me.
I feared this separation, honestly. When he was twelve, I felt the Lord begin to prepare me for the pain. I am grateful for the warning. I haven’t always handled the separation well, but I see now it’s the healthiest thing a mama can do. Recently, a wise woman encouraged me that man-cubs do leave their mama, but they come back eventually. I am holding onto this promise today as I countdown to graduation.